Dear Mama with empty arms,
Yes, you are a mom. People won’t see you that way because they don’t understand. They don’t understand the amount of pain you feel. Physically and emotionally. They don’t understand that even though you were only 5 weeks, 15 weeks, 30 weeks, that it still meant something. That there was still a baby.
Sometimes you will feel like the toughest woman who ever lived, and other times you will feel so helpless. There will be days where you feel at peace and ready to take on whatever else life has to throw at you.. but there will also be times where you hit rock bottom again. Sometimes even harder than the last time. Never feel embarrassed to feel sad. You lost the possibility of a child. It is more than okay to cry. To scream at the top of your lungs and feel angry. You deserve to go through the motions of healing freely. It sounds scary, but that is the only way you will reach that light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish I could tell you that the hurting will end. It’s been over eight months for me, and the hurt still isn’t over. Even after feeling at peace with where we are and ready to accomplish goals while it’s still just us.. I. broke. down. I hit the hardest of rock bottoms I have ever hit. I had never felt so angry. Angry about my loss and angry about feeling so hurt all over again. The events of my short, scary, pregnancy kept flashing through my mind. I have always felt like my experience was a dream. Like it didn’t really happen to me.. it didn’t feel real. But, I had a moment where it hit me. It felt too real. I don’t share this to scare you, but to let you know that you are not alone. I share this to prepare you for the darkest moments that are hard to go through, because they will come. You will experience different seasons of grieving, and it will come in waves. Cling to those who love you, because they will make these moments seem bearable.
You are of great worth. He knows you, and He will not leave you comfortless. (John 14:18)
With much love,